Genesis

Stolen kiss
abandoned street
past and future and four lips meet

Circle

There's that confession, the one that in the beginning every girl promises she won't have to make.
"Dammit... I like you." She'll spit out with some instant regret as she watches his face for cues.

Then, after so many nights of trying to figure out where she went wrong, she'll make herself a promise to not let anyone else close enough to cut her that deeply again.

A long, lonely journey in her mind will numb the pain. Solitude or perhaps an overload of life will help her forget what should have been hers.

And then in time some stranger wil smile at her, and she'll say hello. Bright blue eyes, or maybe endless brown ones will melt her resolve and she'll tell herself that he could be a good friend. A good friend indeed. One that will say all the right things and sit in silence with her when she cries.

And she'll claim him. He'll smile every time they meet, and her heart will condition itself to surpress the beating. Which will fail in time.
Safety, trust, and laughter will forge a fire that he feeds daily over and over again he proves to be everything she needs. Words unspoken will be their undoing.

She'll glow every time she walks away, and her friends will be sick of hearing about him.
They'll convince her that she needs to know.
And he'll say no.

caught somewhere in the heat of
our possibility
between where devotion keeps me on the ground
dreams got me flyin' away
I'm running into the ocean that's your open eyes
when I should be running for cover not,  believing lies

I don't see the use in building
whats gonna get torn down
I don't see a reason to open up
when one of us is leavin' town
sooner or later the story always goes that way
it's the story of your life
and what I chose today

Child

I lay in bed, thinking.
About how far the moon is from here.
About why grown-ups complain about the beautiful snow
About 22 hours from now, when I'll see your smile again
I can't sleep; it's as if tomorrow were Christmas day

I sit here, forgetting.
forgetting all the times you forgot me;
pardoning all the times you pushed me away
erasing the moments when you told me no
I can't help but need you; the sun shines when we're together

I stand here, waiting.
waiting for you to notice me
waiting to gain your approval, and attention
waiting for you to love me
I can't help but love you; please don't leave me here

Wide-eyed and laughing, I peer into your heart
I see the monsters, the darkness, the mud
I'm not gonna let them stay.
I can roar louder
I have the best flashlight
and if you'll dance in the rain with me, I promise everything will be ok

10 Things We Girls Are Aware We are Stupid About

1. Freaking out because one word is out of place

K. Night. Idc. Whatev. Cya.
These are NOT 'k' responses. They hold a cort, frustrated tone leaving us wondering what we said wrong. If you MUST use a one word answer, at least use a smiley face, to put some type of emotion into it. The more words the better, but any indication of a positivity will suffice.

2. Being clingy/needy

If you are our boyfriend, we just want to spend time with you because we enjoy it. If we are your really close female friend... it's the same. Whether friends or more, we sometimes assume you can take as much of us as our female friends do- especially if we feel that we can confide in you. Just being around can make us feel more cared about. Because good companionship between males and females is more difficult to come by than male-male or female-female companionship, a girl often can find a strong relationship with a male more 'important'- when she needs to talk to you, it means much more that you listen- and hurts a heck of a lot more if you blow her off.


3. Reading into things

Boy: I think I'm going to go to Ireland to find an Irish girl.
Girl's mind: why? Are girls here not good enough? Am I not good enough?

Boy sits diagonal from girl at dinner
Girl's mind: Oh no. What did I do? He usually sits beside me, or across from me. Am I annoying him? Would he rather sit by my hot friend?

(IM conversation)
Boy: Idc
Girl's mind: Idc? I don't care? Why the heck don't you care? Does that mean what I think doesn't matter? Or does it just mean that you are indifferent as to your response to my question? Are you just being indecisive so I'll leave you alone?

Yes. everything gets taken the wrong way. Most of us pay attention to where you're looking, how fast you respond, body language in general, and the implications of every statement. If we are just friends, making statements about other girls can cause us to feel inadequate or overlooked. Any girl would like to think that a guy considers her attractive in theory. If you say something like that to your girlfriend... watch out.
No matter what you do, it would be awesome if you guys could think about what you're saying and doing.

4.friend zoning

OK men. This is a frickin two way street. Explain to me all the things that we do that put you in the 'friend zone'. Cuz I'm pretty sure that 99% of the time it's unintentional. I know I've never intentionally done it.
... Also, I know that you're probably just trying to be 'cool', but greeting involving the words "dude", "pal", "bro", "man", and "buddy", are for YOUR MALE FRIENDS. No girl wants to be referred to as a male. Unless she's your lesbian best friend. Use our names. Use a hug. Or a "hello" and smile combo. Those never get old! As a bonus, they work for everyone- friends, hotties, best friends, weird situations, girlfriends, any of the aboves' parents...

Let's be really candid for a moment. I don't think I'm stepping beyond my wisdom when I say that at some point a girl considers what it would be like to date any one of her male friends. This thought process may indeed end immediately with a slight grimace.
However, it may continue. She might dwell on it. She might start to wonder every time she sees you. She might start to wish that you were wondering about it. The more she wonders, the more the spark of interest turns into her desire to be more than friends.
I'd really like to know if guys give girls consideration like we do to them.


5.not giving good signals


Ok, this one just makes me laugh with how ridiculously confusing it is to everyone, self included.
Large amounts of hugging, texting, Facebooking, and hanging out are misleading. I don't even know how to begin to look for an answer- how the heck do you make it clear that you have no interest in them if you legitimately think they are awesome and just want to be friends with them? Also, if you are already friends, how are you supposed to change your ways if you want to give signals that indicate that you want to take your relationship further?
I know that for me, friendly flirting is easy- I can chat with a guy I'm friends with and it's no big deal and means nothing. In opposition, if I like a guy I'm probably going to freeze up and be silent. Not all girls are that way. Some are gifted in making their thoughts very clear. I am one of the unfortunate ones.
All that to say... there is no answer when it comes to signals. We try to balance things out- if we hung last night, we may or may not text you all day today- we might even act like we don't see you when we walk by. It's a mind game. A sick mind game. We wonder if you guys play it, too.
Let's all do ourselves a favor: act like mature men and women and go after what we want. Make a move before we get emotions invested, and if there's nothing there,  move on to the next! Girls are just as afraid to be honest and bold with guys as you are with us. Just do it.

6. being "crazy"

We've all heard the stories- if not been part of one- where a guy does or says ONE thing that didn't meet some girl's expectations or offended her, and she completely over-reacted and got pissed off for anywhere from ten minutes to five days.
Well... sometimes we expect things or want things that we don't realize are completely unobvious. For girls, some tiny details or situations or life are common sense- and so when a male (or child, or friend, or parent...)  go against these seemingly basic ideas, we flip out and get mad because we perceive it as the other person not caring, or being spiteful, or a jerk.
I'm sorry to say, but it's all about communication. There are people who've grown up together and have a horrible marriage or relationship because they can't stay on the same page. There are also couples who've been married fifty years and and communicate amazingly even through linguistic or religious barriers.
We know the freaking out is our fault. I apologize, on our behalf. However, next time just... THINK. Don't make us guess or have cause to be angry because of something you did or didn't do.

7. What you are doing

Some couples are inseparable- they eat together, work out together, get all of their classes together, etc. The other extreme is a couple that rarely spends time together because they have busy lives or very differing interests. Some people can deal with their relationships being this way and some can't.  Gary Chapman's theory of the five love languages also comes into play- some peoples' way of expressing appreciation for another person and bonding with them comes in the form of spending time with them. Vice versa, spending a lot of time that creates a bond can often lead to feelings of attachment and even jealousy if the time spend together decreases. It could also stir up feelings of romantic love in one person, but not necessarily both. Classic falling-for-your-best-friend scenario.
Back to the point: the reason that it's upsetting when you are not in constant communication (Uh oh, the C word...) or when you are out with your friends is that we want to be spending that time with you. A lack of exposure to the relationship creates a sense of loneliness and a fear that we aren't adequate or  appreciated.
I get that guys need guy time. I get that some games are VERY important. There are other things important to us, too- but we will almost always find the most comfort in our friendships and relationships- with males or other females. We will value them more. After a stressful day, we don't want to sit alone somewhere- we want to unwind and just... be with you.
Point: if you're not with us, fine. But shoot us a text every so often so we know that we are still important! :)

8. being jealous

Number 7 explained a lot of this.
Ay ay ay... it could be because we are jealous of your time, the interest you take in other things above us, your female friends, your girlfriend...
the list could go on forever. Again, anything that threatens our place in your life immediately terrifies us and makes us angry towards that thing- wishing it would disappear.
I don't think that we can ever stop jealousy- all we can do is soften it by rationalizing with ourselves. By telling ourselves that the way we feel is our of perspective.
As far as girlfriends go, spending time with other girls is weird because the girl you're committed to is going to feel like she's do something wrong and not giving you what you need because obviously you're looking elsewhere. Make lines VERY clear if you have a girlfriend and close female friends.
If she's just a friend, same goes. Spending an increased amount of time with other girls will just make her think she's inadequate.
In either case, be conscious of the reasons why you're spending a concentration of time on one person over another. You might actually have a better dating relationship with the person you spend the most time with- even if you have a girlfriend. If at any point you realize that, be aware that she  probably realized that a long time ago, and you've probably missed the part where she gave you these supposed 'signals', and tried to get the courage to tell you that you two have belonged together since you met.
You may or may not be able to fix this. But try. We want you to try.

9. Double Standards

Like, when we talk about how so-and-so is soooo hottttt, but if you LOOK at another girl for more than .25 seconds, we get really quiet and start questioning.

Yeah, it's a double standard.
It's ok for us to dress like bums, but you'd better not. You had better look pretty spiffy.
Double standards are not ok. However, as humans we will ALWAYS see the flaws of others more often than we see our own. We're inevitably going to be mad at each other  for things we are blinded to in ourselves.
It's NOT fair that girls get away with some things that guys get chewed out for. It's also not fair that a guy who's slept with five girls is glorified by his peers, but a girl that kissed one guy that her room mate liked is automatically a slut.
Think about it.

10. Desiring you to understand/ being so verbal, that we have to spell it out for you and explain it, when you have better things to do, like kill zombies and watch football.

You might not even see the point in explaining all of these things- you've accepted your fate: to be nagged, shut out, yelled at, ridiculed. Don't.
Be a man. Learn to love the women in  your life by being open minded enough to at least attempt to be sensitive.
It's in our nature to want you to understand, even if our brains work so differently that you never can. Same as we will never understand yours.
But if we need to talk, don't get automatically scared or thinking we're being dramatic- we might actually just  be trying to explain in a mature way the way certain things in life- including you- make us feel. Needing 'to talk' is better than the cold shoulder, right?

I remember hot summer days, walking off of the track in summer school. I checked behind me to see if Cody was behind me. 

He was perfect. I thought for sure, I was was Gabriela and he was my Troy. (Yes, I did make a High School Musical reference.) At least, he was a blonde basketball player-  and I knew he could sing. 

But there was Tess. 

Equally tall and blond- but unlike me, beautiful and charming.

 "Gold hair with a gentle curl... she who's winsome- she wins him".

Sharpay won that time. Gabriela continued singing solo.

Troy's smiles stopped coming my way- and went hers. Who was I to interfere with their middle class, blue eyed fairy tale? I felt like I was Taylor Swift watching Drew fall for someone else-

while I was the girl next door.

I swallowed my pride and kept running. 

I ran straight back into the loving arms of a band family where- as all good incestuous band family members do- I fell in love with my best friend. Twice. 

One loved another girl- the other loved dope. Both at one point had every ounce of caring I could offer, yet never took it. They chose something else.

I try everything- I grow my hair out, listen to every type of music, aspire to be tri-lingual, wear constricting skinny jeans- all in hope that some man would look twice (Other than the forty year old dad who wears Gap polos and coaches little league). I gag at Barbie girls who wear red lipstick and yoga pants that frame their asses if they were the Mona Lisa.

But... they have really hot Asian boyfriends that they've been with for a year.

I don't have a thing for Asian boys, but I do have a tad of confusion as to why I feel jealous 

of whatever...it... is- the it that gets the attention. 

I won't even start the whole bull of "I don't need a boyfriend- I'm happy without one." That's a load. We shouldn't find our identity in any one person, but we are programmed to want love and acceptance from members of the opposing sex. Maybe I'm not in the ideal place for it, or mature enough to handle it- but I still want it. 

Again and again, I watch myself back down to girls that have whatever 'it' is. It's not that I think I'm inferior in some way... but there's a lack of something. Maybe I'm just not one of those girls that can walk into a bar and have five drinks ordered for her. Maybe I'll never be magnetic.

But maybe I'll just fall into the same old trap. Maybe I'll fall for what's comfortable and known.-

Maybe, just maybe, I'll find that guy who always gets overlooked- not because he's not good looking, but because girls have always failed to see all he could be. 

I Wish You Were Here.

Music floats around the room like a pesky child- everyone loves it, but no one wants it around at that moment.
The tree is still waiting to go up. Goosebumps settle on my defiant legs, while I stare out the window, and then to the couch.

I thought surely by this year, you'd be here. We'd be sitting on that couch with my head on your chest.

Flakes like ash drop limply like a March rain- not exactly romantic, but still a promise of change to come.
Everyone is shouting. Everything smells funny. The tab that says Facebook occupies my eyes every minute of so.

In case I get a notification from you. Any sign you are alive. Or on this continent or not. Or if you are radically a stranger, or as close as a brother.

I laugh with my mom at stupid things. I give my dad sympathetic looks. I reason with my sisters, and torment my brother.

What is your family like? Do you miss them? Do you know them? Are you with them?

They say this is the most wonderful time of the year. I see people falling in love on every TV show, getting back together in every movie. Love being sparked, or found, or reignited.

But where are you?