No song title, movie quote, of feeling can capture this

These are just trains of thought that I've had today. I do not mean it to offend any reader. I have the utmost respect for all of these people I encountered.


So many small children run around in rebellion. A middle aged man with white hair and blue eyes sits in the end chair, wearing a green polo and holding a binder- he looks conspicuous. A tiny Filipino woman eats a bag of chips, adding to her stack of wrappers. Eating for two, maybe?
An older black man sits with a bored expression- he's been here before. Habit has made him weary of the stark walls resounding with squeals and ill coughs. Numbers are shouted out by stern women who wrinkle their faces as if they PMS every day.
The people go one by one. First the girl about my age- pregnant, bleached blond, wearing Fubu. Then the man who seems that he was laid off- he smiles with his joyful eyes, from behind his tan skin. He seems honest.
I sit here, on a blue chair with my own paperwork. Me, with my flip flops and sun-kissed arms. Me with my phone. And my dad. I feel like everyone is staring at me- not because I'm beneath them- but because I've had it easier, and they know it. For a second I wish I could trade places with them. Give the little girl with beads in her hair my year of college, and my faith. Selfishly, I wish I were like them because maybe they'd accept me instead of judging me because they project superiority into me. In reality, we're all here for the same reason.

I've heard it said that to be white in America means never having to think about it.
That's so false. I think about it every day. Minorities walk on eggshells around us, almost like they're afraid... but they don't fear each other. Yet I have to be careful with ALL of them. I don't differentiate based on heritage. I see people as people. God made us, and God has no race. So why should race separate us or make us treat each other specially or with partiality?
To be white in America means watching your tongue and opinions every second, just to fight a nationwide opinion. To be white in America means having to fight even harder to be an individual. It means having to be a minority in and of yourself.